Yesterday it was 33 years ago that I gave birth to my amazing daughter. I spent the day in bed. I cried, a lot. I ignored the world and totally wallowed in not wanting to be or do anything. That is fine. That is the way it was this year. Today I need to go and plant a new plant by her tree at the place she used to volunteer. To honour her life and to keep her in the hearts and minds of all those who knew her and loved her and all those curious as to who she is.
It is often written that grief has no timetable, that the stages of grief exist only in the mind of a few, in the timetable thet have followed. For me it excels any perception anyone may have, I can make this statement because it is my statement. It is mine to own and no one can question because my relationship with my daughter is unique. It is incomparable and I own that totally.
Now we head for the Christmas season in the knowledge that for so many this will be such a hard time. A time of excess, of receiving and of painful thoughts and behaviours. Please do not judge anyone who is struggling instead walk beside them. When Kae died in March 2018 she had not opened the few gifts she had allowed herself to receive, her cards were also unopened. You may wonder why? She did not feel she deserved them or was worthy of being given anything. That is just one of the huge tragedies that exist for those in the grips of such a severe mental health illness. Just one………………….
I remember one year she changed her birthday to the 5th January, we had arranged to meet in a certain place, but she never showed.. So i walked to your house, where she also wasn’t there! Eventually she turned up, whilst we were chatting away.. And as we know kae, she was impressed to see me there!! I had a birthday card for her, which I wonder now if she ever opened!? Anyway, she did eventually offer me a cup of tea and she cracked some jokes – one thing she never lost was her humour! Never forgotten, forever in our hearts 💕 #BaileyKarnes #847 xxxxx